It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
