Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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