fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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