I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
