My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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