Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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