I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
