The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
