your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
