Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
