Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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