so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize