Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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