you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize