How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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