East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
