If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
