the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
