$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
