If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
