we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
