You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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