shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The best revenge is premature balding
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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