Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
...so i touched it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
