what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
