M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
