Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
