Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
