im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize