yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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