drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
whose parrot is this?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
