listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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