i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
