I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
