I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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