PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
