I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She told me I should be a condom model.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
