i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
