Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
