he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
