My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
