I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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