It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
