My nipple is on Facebook.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
