Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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