No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
