JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I got her a Nickelback box set.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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