Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
