I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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