You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just found puke in my bra..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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