Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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