real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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