she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
