wakey wakey hands off snakey
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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