I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
