I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
