i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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