homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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