So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
