She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Two words: blizzard sex
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
