So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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