i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
