That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
