Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
