the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I love you.
Bad choice
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
