Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
