imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
