just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
