The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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