I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize