i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
