great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i think i just lost a toe
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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