mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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