It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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