im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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