best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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