there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
