they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
