Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just invented taco cereal.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You dont lie about slip and slides
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
