I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
