sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
