Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
