youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize