So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
