I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
