You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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