If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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