brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
