OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
